Celibacy Quotes

Sexual Compulsives Anonymous

20 Questions, 14 Characteristics

Source: scanneronline.org/archives/

The Twenty Questions

SCA devised these to help newcomers decide whether they are sexually compulsive. Most people who are Not sexually compulsive will answer yes to None of these questions, or perhaps one or two. If you answer yes to three or more, they encourage you to investigate program.

  1. Do you frequently experience remorse, depression, or guilt about your sexual activity?

  2. Do you feel your sexual drive and activity is getting out of control? Have you repeatedly tried to stop or reduce certain sexual behaviors, but inevitably you could not?

  3. Are you unable to resist sexual advances, or turn down sexual propositions when offered?

  4. Do you use sex to escape from uncomfortable feelings such as anxiety, fear, anger, resentment, guilt, etc. which seem to disappear when the sexual obsession starts?

  5. Do you spend excessive time obsessing about sex or engaged in sexual activity?

  6. Have you neglected your family, friends, spouse or relationship because of the time you spend in sexual activity?

  7. Do your sexual pursuits interfere with your work or professional development?

  8. Is your sexual life secretive, a source of shame, and not in keeping with your values? Do you lie to others to cover up your sexual activity?

  9. Are you afraid of sex? Do you avoid romantic and sexual relationships with others and restrict your sexual activity to fantasy, masturbation, and solitary or anonymous activity?

  10. Are you increasingly unable to perform sexually without other stimuli such as pornography, videos, "poppers," drugs/alcohol, "toys," etc.?

  11. Do you have to resort increasingly to abusive, humiliating, or painful sexual fantasies or behaviors to get sexually aroused?

  12. Has your sexual activity prevented you from developing a close, loving relationship with a partner? Or, have you developed a pattern of intense romantic or sexual relationships that never seem to last once the excitement wears off?

  13. Do you only have anonymous sex or one-night stands? Do you usually want to get away from your sexual partner after the encounter?

  14. Do you have sex with people with whom you normally would not associate?

  15. Do you frequent clubs, bars, adult bookstores, restrooms, parks and other public places in search of sexual partners?

  16. Have you ever been arrested or placed yourself in legal jeopardy for your sexual activity?

  17. Have you ever risked your physical health with exposure to sexually transmitted diseases by engaging in "unsafe" sexual activity?

  18. Has the money you spent on pornography, videos, phone sex, or hustlers/prostitutes strained your financial resources?

  19. Have people you trust expressed concern about your sexual activity?

  20. Does life seem meaningless and hopeless without a romantic or sexual relationship?

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The Fourteen Characteristics

These are the characteristics most of us seem to have in common:

Note: Embedded links will take you to various sections (case studies) of a single long page at the SCA website. To see the list in order, start here and scroll down:

  1. As adolescents, we used fantasy and compulsive masturbation to avoid feelings, and continued this tendency into our adult lives with compulsive sex.

  2. Compulsive sex became a drug, which we used to escape from feelings such as anxiety, loneliness, anger and self-hatred, as well as joy.

  3. We tended to become immobilized by romantic obsessions. We became addicted to the search for sex and love; as a result, we neglected our lives.

  4. We sought oblivion in fantasy and masturbation, and lost ourselves in compulsive sex. Sex became a reward, punishment, distraction and time-killer.

  5. Because of our low self-esteem, we used sex to feel validated and complete.

  6. We tried to bring intensity and excitement into our lives through sex, but felt ourselves growing steadily emptier.

  7. Sex was compartmentalized instead of integrated into our lives as a healthy element.

  8. We became addicted to people, and were unable to distinguish among sex, love and affection.

  9. We searched for some "magical" quality in others to make us feel complete. Other people were idealized and endowed with a powerful symbolism, which often disappeared after we had sex with them.

  10. We were drawn to people who were not available to us, or who would reject or abuse us.

  11. We feared relationships, but continually searched for them. In a relationship, we feared abandonment and rejection, but out of one, we felt empty and incomplete.

  12. While constantly seeking intimacy with another person, we found that the desperate quality of our need made true intimacy with anyone impossible, and we often developed unhealthy dependency relationships that eventually became unbearable.

  13. Even when we got the love of another person, it never seemed enough, and we were unable to stop lusting after others.

  14. Trying to conceal our dependency demands, we grew more isolated from ourselves, from God, and from the very people we longed to be close to.

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Admitting That We Are Powerless

If we decide that we have the disease of sexual compulsion, the first step toward recovery is to admit that we are powerless over our condition and that it makes our lives unmanageable. When we can do so, we are ready to move on to the 12-step recovery program. The only requirement for membership in SCA is a desire to stop our compulsive sexual behavior.

For more information see here:

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The Twelve Suggested Steps of SCA

Embedded links lead to a single page, where the explanations can be read in order, beginning here: scanneronline.org/archives/:

  1. We admitted we were powerless over sexual compulsion -- that our lives had become unmanageable.

  2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

  3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood God.

  4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

  5. Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

  6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

  7. Humbly asked God to remove our shortcomings.

  8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

  9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

  10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

  11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood God, praying only for knowledge of God's will for us and the power to carry that out.

  12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to sexually compulsive people and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

Copyright 1996 - Adapted with permission of AA - see disclaimers here: www.sca-recovery.org/steps.htm.

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