Nothing specific and nothing special happened to mark the occasion of my deliverance from same-sex attraction. It just happened, and I do NOT know WHEN or HOW. As for WHEN, it's been several years, now. At first, I told no one and kept it to myself to make sure it was real. Gladly I can tell you, it is. Praise the Lord!
One day, in looking at a guy in whom I used to be interested, I realized any and all sexual and/or lustful feelings toward him were not present; and I felt completely different about him. I was amazed, very pleased and relieved. I simply saw him as God sees him - as a man as God created him to be - nothing more or nothing less - simply as a man and not as an "object" to covet. That has proved to be true of ALL men and continues to be so. Now, I see men for whom they really are in God's scheme of things and see my past feelings as selfish, depraved and disgusting, not to mention sinful. However, I no longer beat myself up over my sexual past and do not feel guilty about the past; and do not dare to pass judgment upon others. I rejoice in being free of the attraction and the past - true answered prayer and a personal gift to me from God.
Same-sex attraction happened in my life for a while - a good long while and most of my life - but, now, I am free of it, which is a wonderful feeling. Again, I rejoice in it - God's GREAT gift to me - and do not wallow in guilt, self-pity, anxiety, etc. I don't look back at it or revisit it. It's over, and I feel glad and happy about it. Now, I only look forward and toward God - not away from Him. As you know, God's gifts are meant to be enjoyed, praised, given thanks, etc. Freedom is a GREAT gift and is not to be tarnished by the past. The price has been paid, which we shall celebrate, honor and rejoice in His resurrection at Easter. God is so very good!
In so many ways the trip through cancer was been extraordinary: most eventful and transforming. I wouldn't trade it for anything. With this gift of liberation, I can, now, die in peace, whenever that happens.
On the operating table in April of 2011, while I was being prepped for surgery, I prayed a very simple prayer to God - one I had prayed sporadically over the years - to remove my cancer, HIV and same-sex attraction. However, if I could only choose one over the others, it would be same-sex attraction; as I could handle the others due to the fact they are of the physical world and would/will be left behind with the decaying flesh. Richard Rose, my dear friend and adviser, had told me in our first meeting in April of 1985 that it would be best to leave my homosexuality behind and here on earth and not to take it to the other side with me. That was a real motivation and became one of my goals, although I didn’t always have the faith and confidence it could happen.