Love has its own meditation. But you do not know love,
you know only sex and you know the misery of wasting energy. Then you get depressed after it. Then you decide to take a vow of Brahmacharya, celibacy. And this vow is taken in depression, this vow is taken in anger, this vow is taken in frustration. It is not going to help. A vow can be helpful if taken in a very relaxed, deeply meditative mood. Otherwise you are simply showing your anger, your frustration and nothing else, and you will forget the vow within twenty-four hours. The energy will have come again, and just as an old routine you will have to release it.
Brahmacharya cannot be taught.
Only meditation can be taught. Brahmacharya is the result. As meditation ripens, brahmacharya comes to fruit by itself. All effort is to be put into meditation. One who puts his effort directly into brahmacharya will sit suppressing sex in the name of brahmacharya. And brahmacharya is not happening — it is only superficial — within the being the worms of desire are crawling.
Lust means how to use something for your happiness.
Love means your happiness is not at all concerned. Really, lust means how to get something out of it and love means how to give something. They are diametrically opposite. If you see a beautiful face and you feel love toward the face, the immediate feeling in your consciousness will be how to do something to make this face happy, how to do something to make this man or this woman happy. The concern is not with yourself, the concern is with the other.
In love the other is important; in lust you are important. In lust you are thinking how to make the other your instrument; in love you are thinking how to become an instrument yourself. In lust you are going to sacrifice the other; in love you are going to sacrifice yourself. Love means giving; lust means getting. Love is a surrender; lust is an aggression.
I am not against sex, but I am against sexuality.
And let me make a distinction: when you're feeling very sexual and being possessed by the person, this is not the moment to do anything. Close your doors, meditate on your sexuality. Let it arise, let it come out of the dark night within you. Out of the jungle, let it spread — you watch, you simply watch, you become an unmoving flame of awareness. Soon you will see it has settled again, and your consciousness is burning brighter than ever. You have absorbed it; it has become nectar.
To me, if sex is the creative force in the world, it must be nearest to the creative center of the world
— whatever name you give to it. Creative energy must be closest to creation, to the creative source of it all. People should be taught the art of converting sexual energy into spiritual enlightenment.
In the sexual act you have a certain thrill, a moment of forgetfulness, a moment of oblivion.
You feel good — for a few seconds, only for a few seconds, you drop out of this routine world. Sex gives you a door to escape into some other world — which is non-tense; there is no worry; you are simply relaxed and melting. But have you observed? After each sexual act you feel frustrated. Sex creates neurosis, it is neurotic, because it can never satisfy you.
Now, go to the madhouses of the world and just watch the mad people, and you will always find that somewhere or other there is a sexual problem. That's what Freud says, that all pathology is somehow connected with sex. Too much sex obsession becomes neurotic. If you live in the body, you are bound to become neurotic. You have to go a little deeper and higher than the body.
In sex there may be relaxation.
In sex there may be physiological health and hygiene. But there is no growth. You remain animal. With love you become human. With love you become upright. With love you stand erect on earth. With sex you are again animal, you are horizontal on the earth, just moving like other animals, crawling. With love you are erect, vertical.
Awareness is the true path.
Neither indulge nor renounce, but be aware. Do whatsoever you are doing — do it with full awareness.
Friendship is the highest form of love
and sex is the lowest form of love.
The thirtieth year is perfectly the right time.
That will give you — because you are from the West — at least fifty to sixty years to work upon yourself, to find yourself, and to find the innermost mysteries of existence. In fact, now begins the real life; up to now you were a slave. Now, boundaries are dropping and the whole sky is becoming available to you with all its stars. don't be an old fool.
If you can become wise while you are young, just thirty, thank God. Be grateful to existence that he is allowing you so much time to explore much that is not available to any other animal, and only available to man. And the more time you have to explore it, the deeper will be your insight, the greater will be your consciousness and tremendous will be your splendor. You will not die an ugly death; you will die with a grace and with a smile on your face.
Nityanando, you are fortunate that life need not be empty for you. If sex is going, say goodbye to it. It was good when it was there; it is better when it is gone. Now begins a totally different space of experiencing. Now begins a new adventure, more free, more individual, more unfettered.
The sky is so vast to explore... and on each step there are miracles and miracles. So sing and dance and meditate. And life is immensely beautiful: it has all that Gautam Buddha experienced and more, because twenty-five centuries have passed; man has become far more mature, and evolution has gone higher. We can produce greater Gautam Buddhas with more dimensions to them.
If you become meditative, you will come to realize a new fact.
That fact is that it is not sex that gives you bliss, it is not sex that gives you the ecstasy. Rather, it is a thoughtless state of the mind and total involvement in the act that gives you a blissful feeling. Once you understand this then sex will be needed less and less, because that thoughtless state of mind can be created without it — that's what meditation means.
And that totality of being can be created without sex. Once you know that the same phenomenon can happen without sex, sex will be needed less and less. A moment will come when sex will not be needed at all. Remember, sex is always dependent on the other. So in sex, a bondage, a slavery remains. Once you can create this total orgasmic phenomenon without any dependence on anybody else, when it has become an inner source, you are independent, you are free.
That's what is meant when, in India, we say only a brahmachari, an absolutely celibate person, can be free — because now he is not dependent on anybody else, his ecstasy is his own. Sex disappears through meditation, but this is not destroying the energy. Energy is never destroyed; only the form of the energy changes. Then it is no longer sexual, and when the form is no longer sexual, then you become loving.
So, really, a person who is sexual cannot love. His love can only be a show. His love is just a means towards sex. A person who is sexual uses love just as a technique towards sex. It is a means. A sexual person cannot really love, he can only exploit the other; and love becomes just a way to approach the other.
A person who has become non-sexual, and the energy is moving within, has become auto-ecstatic. His ecstasy is his own. Such a person will be loving for the first time. His love will be a constant showering, a constant sharing, a constant giving.
Sex has become synonymous with life in the West.
But it is not; it is only a very small part. It has something tremendously important to contribute but it is not all the story. It is just the beginning. It will be even more correct to say it is just the preface, not even the beginning.
But my feeling about you is that you are ready to go into some new space — higher, better, superior, more graceful. And when this conflict with sex disappears and you accept the stage you are in, much love will arise in you. And it will not be sexual love — it will have a different quality: it will be more like friendship, more like prayer, more like creating music, singing a song, looking at the sunset. It will have all those qualities. It will be more aesthetic, less sexual.
The sexual love remains a little coloured with violence; it remains a little crude. It can't be very soft; it can't have grace and dignity. It is anger; it is our animal heritage.
That idea of being a macho will create trouble for you.
Drop this machismo, and forget all about it. And there is no problem; you are creating it. Put more and more of your effort into meditation. You will be surprised: the energy that goes into sex will start going into meditation, and sooner or later you will be having the same kind of orgasmic experiences through meditation as people have through sex.
The sexual orgasm is bound to take too much energy out of you. It is a sheer wastage. It gives very little and takes very much. In the meditative orgasm, with no energy investment from your side the same quality — deeper, higher, profounder — happens. Later on you will find yourself more energetic than before. The meditative orgasm will leave you with more energy, with more vibrant energy than before. And this is possible.
We are weaklings, not because we have less energy than a Buddha —
we have the same quanta of energy, everyone is born with the same energy quanta — but we are accustomed to dissipating it. It simply moves away from us and never comes back. It cannot come back! Once it is out of you, it can never come back; it is beyond you.
A word arises in me: I speak it out; it has flown away. It is not going to come back to me, and the energy that was used in producing it, that was used in throwing it away, is dissipated. But when a word arises in me and I don't throw it out: I remain silent. Then the word moves and moves and moves, and falls into the original source again. The energy has been reconsumed.
Silence is energy. Brahmacharya is energy. Not to be angry is energy. But this is not suppression. If you suppress anger, you have used energy again. don't suppress — observe and follow. don't fight — just move backwards with the anger. This is the purest method of awareness.
Love is a very silent flow, nonaggressive, almost passive.
It is a very silent breeze. Sex is passion, violence, aggression, with force, with strong energy — it attacks. The heart and the sex center can join together, then love becomes passionate. If heart is not joined with the sex center then love becomes compassionate. Then love is there in its total purity and only then, when there is no passion in it, is love pure. It is silent, passive, nonaggressive.
You can invite it but it will not knock at your door. It will not even ask to be invited. You can persuade it to come, it can become your guest, but it will not come uninvited.
It rarely happens that a person dies with God on his mind.
I have watched many people die. Almost always, nine out of ten people die with sex on their minds when they die, and that becomes the beginning of another life. Sex on the mind becomes the beginning of another sex life. But it has to be so if you have not been working hard to go beyond it, to go beyond its grip. If you have not been struggling hard to release yourself from its clutches, then it is going to be so.
If this house is suddenly on fire, you will be more aware.
You know that your awareness goes up and down. At certain moments you are more aware; at certain moments, less aware. So it is possible to create the situation of being more aware. That's why awareness became the basis of meditation. And with awareness came the surprise that as you become aware, thoughts disappear. When you are fully aware, there are no thoughts, and suddenly time has stopped. Time can be there inside only with the movement of thoughts.
Witnessing means no choice, choiceless awareness.
This is one of the most fundamental keys for all the diseases of the human mind. If you can become a witness, the opposites fight against each other, with each other, and both are dead, both disappear. But if you choose one thing over the other, you cannot be a witness.
Unless you know something which cannot be sold and cannot be purchased,
unless you know something which is beyond money, you have not known real life. Sex is not beyond money — love is. Transform your sex into love, and transform your love into prayer — so one day even kings like Bimbisara may feel jealous of you. Become a Mahavira, a Buddha, become a Christ, a Zarathustra, a Lao Tzu. Only then have you lived, only then have you known the mysteries of life!
Money and sex are the lowest,
and people are living only in the world of money and sex — and they think they are living. They are not living, they are only vegetating, they are only dying. This is not life. Life has many more kingdoms to be revealed, an infinite treasure which is not of this world. Neither sex can give it to you, nor money.