Dried Shit Zen - 105 quotes

Short Version

Chronological order - reverse of twitter - 9/25/2009 and 9/26/2009

Anyone who offends you, arouses a searing flash of blind rage, is your great benefactor. Will you demand an apology for this precious gift?
Produce for me, right here right now, the "you" that "I" so grievously offended, and I will both apologize and take your place in Hell.
It's like dream-jackals stealing the kills of dream-lions.
It's like walking uphill on a steep cobblestoned street in Montmartre wearing a brand new wool scarf.
Most people when they're happy grasp at being happy, or when sad cling to being sad. It becomes "who I am." Hey. It's not.
Never is. Never was. Never will be.
My feeling, @qjohn, is that he hasn't dissolved into silence, but gone deep.
Initial Stages of the Clear Light Yoga: Commitment, Purification, Focus, Cutting Through, and Absorption. Why not try?
A Clear Light yogin uses social rules and graces merely as "cover." He's like an insect that can resemble a twig.
I intend to devote the rest of my tweets to outrageous and deeply offensive personal attacks, on every last one of you.
I'd like to start with that sneaky @jellykish.
No it isn't, @nickmattos I know Tantric when I see it, and you are.
You, @kyotoghosts, are far too kind to me. You remind me of my sainted grandmother.
dried tiger-scrotum for you, @TerrorTV, served on a sparkling white lotus blossom. That's what I calls some good eatin'.
The only Buddha I ever knew died a few years ago. And it was my fault.
I received Mind to Mind transmission -- totally unasked for -- courtesy of a homeless Mahasiddha who wore a rope for a belt.
This Clear Sky charlatan had to gaze into my eyes only once, for an instant, to make his point.
He didn't even stick around long enough for me to shower him with flowers, wash his dirty, sunburnt feet, or give him my clean shirt.
I was working on a ridiculous koan at the time. My mind was totally intent on it. Who knew the answer would be a man? Ecce homo.
When it hits you, it hits you out of the blue, and you can't stop it. The Lifegiving Sword cuts you in two before you can murmur Om.
"When the wind stops blowing in the big pine tree, where does the sound go?" That was the koan.
There is an obvious intellectual answer. But an intellectual answer isn't an answer from your whole being.
This was the very koan that drove Friedrich Nietzsche crazy in Turin around the Christmas-New Year season of 1888-89.
Buddha regretted ever opening his mouth about Dependent Arising.
The koan had personal meaning for me because I saw that the "sound" was me, and the wind and the pine tree were my "causes."
Causes and conditions like my parents ever meeting, there being food for me to eat and air to breathe, and so on.
Like a spoiled brat, I was trying to resolve the whole question of life and death. What lives? What dies? Where does the sound go?
That's the koan. "When wind stops blowing in the big pine tree, where does the sound go?"
If you can resolve it, tonight I'll picnic with you in the dark. I'll bring the wine.
That last string of "notes" was directed at the few people who are interested in that wild kind of stuff. And now, back to your local news.
In late-breaking news, a Bengal tiger ate a child at the local zoo. Ouch! That's got to hurt. And now to the weather. Beverly?
Dan, I think the tiger is going to be very happy with tomorrow's weather. It's going to balmy, just like India. Same through the weekend.
In the extended forecast, a big asteroid is going to smack into the earth, but not before the next solar flare fries us like chitlins. Dan?
Well, Beverly, it looks like the little tyke that got eaten today won't miss anything special! Just kidding. Stay tuned for "Nash Bridges."
May I clear up a little problem for you? It has to do with Dependent Arising, the Buddhist teaching.
Some very big fat tomes have been written on it, and lamas and tulkus have plunged into bitter and complicated disputes on just this.
However, DriedShitZen is going to clear it up for you in the next three tweets, max.
Hold a finger up in front of your face. Shut one eye, then open it while shutting the other. Do this quickly about twenty times.
The logic of Dependent Arising is that the cause of your finger "moving" is opening and shutting your eyes.
But this is the "relative" teaching. The absolute teaching is that your finger didn't move, not at all. Apply that principle to everything.
Don't get all excited about enlightenment, man. It's pretty boring.
Loving the Dream, bitches.
RT @Zen_Guy: Boredom doesn't describe my meditation.>>Then you're not enlightened. Keep cracking 'till the egg slips out of the shell.
Fuzzy wuzzy was a Nondualist.
A Chinese fortune teller once told me I was going to fuck up bigtime. "You fuck up bigtime, Dryshitzen!"
Nothing is more ludicrous for a yogin than to have ideas about friends or enemies, let alone who is truly "enlightened" and who isn't.
All beings are intrinsically enlightened just as all stars are in the sky.about hours ago
Getting pissed off at me is the same as getting pissed off at Yourself.about hours ago
"We're all in the starry sky," as @kyotoghosts, my Grandmother Coyote Guardian Spirit, says.
If you feel your life is boring, or you're hurt, or trapped, or depressed, go up onto a mountain and meditate all the time. Do shugyo.
Pour ice-water on your head every morning. Shout.
Sit in a cemetery at night and do Zen.
When you feel the possibility of malign "spirits" or rapacious ghosts breathing down your neck, you'll know when you're doing Zen "right."
Zen masters have gone up the mountains for 0 day retreats eating only pine needles and drinking only rainwater. Why couldn't you?
Stop intellectualizing. Shatter thought. Develop clear perception. Let go and be absorbed into the inner "light."
But the Mind-hunt has to be intense, total, with nothing held back, not fearing that you are "ridiculous" nor losing yourself in thoughts.
Your attitude has to single-minded, like a samurai hunting through a chaotic battlefield for the enemy general.
Or like a cat in the middle of the night, crouched low, waiting for a mouse to venture out of its hole.
Don't think you're enlightened when you have a concept in mind. Pursue it to the end. It isn't touchy-feely and fuzzy. It IS shattering.
The very thought of "nonduality" can be a supremely frustrating and difficult obstacle to real direct mind realization.
As long as you're thinking "but is this nondual? would my teacher approve?" you can't possibly break through. No way.
Be "dualistic" if you feel it will help in your Mind-hunt. Try it. Go all the way through. At least you can shatter duality.
Nonduality has nothing in it to shatter, so you're likely to just slip into a comfortable blankness, go to satsangs, smile a lot.
The original nature may be intrinsically enlightened, but in your case it's covered up by a ton of shit.
Forget Advaita, Gurdjieff, Zen, breathing-rituals, meditation, classes, gongs, incense, Master Po, Eckhart Tolle.
Your deeply compassionate task is to save all beings from suffering. Completely. Are you living up to that?
If you can't feel drunk "Here and Now" with the brilliant glory of all This, ablaze with gratitude, you've still got to smash through.
Everybody talks to me about being "depressed" and I cannot contain my amazement anymore. It no longer seems natural. "What? In all This?"
People insist on getting acclaim for the infinite specialness of their suffering, and became enraged when you will not give it to them.
My Tibetan teacher (not my "root-guru") kindly began instructing me with the words: "You must realize you are not a very special person."
I must say, this approach dazzled me a little. I think I even choked up with joy.
All my life I'd been told by droning fools that I was as special as a snowflake or a unique crystal dog or something.
Here, now, was perhaps the kindest person I'd ever met telling me I was a pretty mediocre piece of work. At last, the truth.
What I'm getting at here is that your suffering is pretty dull and ordinary, but your Enlightenment will be one-of-a-kind.
I wish I could be there to see it!
Eat the banana, toss the peel. Attain the boundless clear light mind, throw away words.
Try getting some energy in your body before you do Zen. Otherwise you're just another blank-minded corpse on a cushion.
Zafu zombies.
Fear energy, desire energy, anything. Feel it. Direct it. Intensify it. Make it a whirling torrent.
Thought is energy. But it is very weak energy. It's a wavering shadow of ki. People who get too engrossed in thoughts become sad.
Thoughts are twilight. Then the starry sky appears, naked, shining in all directions. Why were you born if not to behold This?
Shakti wants to leap to your forehead and light up your sky with suns.
Shiva is Shakti's adoring slave. Do anything for that seductress, even forget his clear true nature.
Today is the only day. Every other day is but a distant dream. Resolve the great matter today. Do you proud. Make Shakti smile. Okay?
Today is the day to shatter all doubts. To go beyond thoughts. To attain unexcelled direct mind realization of your original state.
It's easy. It could not possibly be easier. It's so simple it's laughable. Just try to find anything at all that could be called "mind."
You can sit, stand, walk, lie down, do qi gong, fuck -- whatever helps you in this all-out hunt for the real essence of your awareness.
But the Mind-hunt has to be intense, total, with nothing held back, not fearing that you are "ridiculous" nor losing yourself in thoughts.
Your attitude has to single-minded, like a samurai hunting through a chaotic battlefield for the enemy general.
Or like a cat in the middle of the night, crouched low, waiting for a mouse to venture out of its hole.
Don't think you're enlightened when you have a concept in mind. Pursue it to the end. It isn't touchy-feely and fuzzy. It IS shattering.
The very thought of "nonduality" can be a supremely frustrating and difficult obstacle to real direct mind realization.
Nonduality has nothing in it to shatter, so you're likely to just slip into a comfortable blankness, go to satsangs, smile a lot.
The original nature may be intrinsically enlightened, but in your case it's covered up by a ton of shit.
Forget Advaita, Gurdjieff, Zen, breathing-rituals, meditation, classes, gongs, incense, Master Po, Eckhart Tolle.
Your deeply compassionate task is to save all beings from suffering. Completely. Are you living up to that?
If you can't feel drunk "Here and Now" with the brilliant glory of all This, ablaze with gratitude, you've still got to smash through.
Everybody talks to me about being "depressed" and I cannot contain my amazement anymore. It no longer seems natural. "What? In all This?"
People insist on getting acclaim for the infinite specialness of their suffering, and became enraged when you will not give it to them.
My Tibetan teacher (not my "root-guru") kindly began instructing me with the words: "You must realize you are not a very special person."
I must say, this approach dazzled me a little. I think I even choked up with joy.
All my life I'd been told by droning fools that I was as special as a snowflake or a unique crystal dog or something.
Here, now, was perhaps the kindest person I'd ever met telling me I was a pretty mediocre piece of work. At last, the truth.
What I'm getting at here is that your suffering is pretty dull and ordinary, but your Enlightenment will be one-of-a-kind.
I wish I could be there to see it!

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